would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
