Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
