If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
