meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
