I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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