It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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