i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
soo... how was my night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
