Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need a burrito and a hug.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
