We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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