This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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