i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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