he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
