I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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