Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
