Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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