He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
