In the future we'll all be gay
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize