I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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