this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
