I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
