If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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