I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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