Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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