he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
