i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
