i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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