im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
