Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
