I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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