where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
