I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
