Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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