worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
