3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
