he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
