I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
