its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
