Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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