Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
