Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
