I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
