life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
