I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
