She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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