you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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