She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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