To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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