You're so nebulous sometimes
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
