well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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