I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
