Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
