When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
