I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
