your thong is hanging out like whoa
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
