PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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