I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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