And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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