I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
