i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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