All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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