I wish I only lived at night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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